"Okay girls, today is the last time I'm going to talk to you about your results as a form teacher. Some of you made it to the top band of the cohort, some not so good."
mrs chan handed us our results one by one.
according to register number.
yes. register number.
as usual i am the last.
last.
christelle beside me, with cheryl and felicia got their results already.
mine was coming oh so very slowly.
"chrissy i'm scared."
"okay, hold on dear."
and then there were sudden outbursts of squealing.
and again.
and again.
and again.
yong mei xin christabel's result slip was the last of the stack.
i just sat there, alone. trying not to cry even before the result slip was in my hands.
just when i need a friend to hug, they're all jumping up and down.
greaaaat.
when i got my slip, i read it.
over and over and over again.
"we are happy to off the 8 subject combination to Yong Mei Xin Christabel."
my overall average score was 0.18% below criteria.
my rank average was 0.17% below criteria.
screw it i hate crying.
it makes my breathing funny.
like i'm hyperventilating you know? just not like that.
so i ran.
how i wish i could run away from reality.
i'm just going to be sad and depressed and emo for a while.
to flush all my sadness out.
so when i go for ROCs,
i will have fun.
nothing will ever, ever stop me.

-

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
The webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
And hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

22 October is the new official worst day of my life.
Chris the Great has fallen.